OMG

the ept says positive!

i have wanted to be in this situation for 10 years now. married, with a job, living in a house, having babies. i didn't want to get pregnant until i had the first three. i got the last of the three when we bought our house 2.5 years ago. now convincing my husband that bringing a child into this world would be a glorious event was tough. he had his doubts. but on our anniversary, 1.5 years ago, he changed his mind and we got off the pill on august 1st, 2004. i thought since i was on the pill for 4 years it would take a while for the magical moment to happen. yep, probably two whole months.

when christmas of '04 came around i was disappointed but still believed that God was just waiting for the perfect time for us. on new years eve when i was still able to drink the night away we said, "this time next year we're either going to be pregnant or already have a child so we better live it up now!" when my birthday rolled around in july of '05 i started thinking it was all t's fault. his swimmers aren't swimming! when christmas of '05 finally got here it was then all on me. it was my fault, i believed. so when we were counting down the end of 2005 realizing we weren't pregnant or with child, as we predicted the year before, i decided to stop trying. it's just gonna be y0u and me, babe, till the end of time.

THEEEEN, i called my best friend-high school carpool member-college roommate of 5 years to say happy new year. she finally told me, i think she had been holding out on me, she was pregnant. i was SUPER excited for her! they had been trying for 6 months and now they were going to be having the CUTEST kid EVER! but at the same time i thought well now i HAVE to get pregnant. we have to have our kids the same age that would just be too perfect!

so the aggressive, take charge, get pregnant routine kicked in. i was using ovulation kits, counting my days, taking my prenatal like i was supposed to, got off all my diet/energy supplements, eating right and exercising regularly. the month of january produced nothing. then i went back into my we can't have kids thought process. so i gave up the aggressive routine. on january 13th my grandmother passed away. i said many prays for her to hurry on to heaven, to send grandpa lots of love and for the two of them to dance again. during my last prayer to her before leaving for the cemetary i asked her to, if she could, put in a good word to God that i would make one excellent mother. i felt a little guilty, thinking what a selfish prayer.

but here we are, february 18th. and the ept says positive!